peer contemplation

o1.05.09
somewhere in ilocos sur

we are thought to get along with our peer group.
in my reorganization of selves,
i'm contemplating who i really relate to.
currently, i feel out of place with my "expected" peer group,
on top of just feeling out of place.
in studying "essence" and "personality",
i find sense in my connection to elders and children.
i guess it is the simplicity and unecessary chatter.
together, we are shaped to learn and to share.

family is an interesting factor.
given i am blessed with unconditional love of my own nucleus.
i also see what i have learned in growing up
that has shaped my personality,
not all of which i want to nurture.

love, however, i wonder
if planted in the essence of all sentient beings,
is a quiet seed
waiting to be noticed.
uncovered only by the consciousness of the container.
a gift from the unknown
for those who wish to know more.
is not love the thirst for knowledge
and the desire for oneness?

the differences...
been dreaming about past peer groups
and current lone rangers
dreamers of every age.

just needing to find comfort
in my small contribution to it all
to know it comes from my essence
as an offering of progress and spirit
to the collective effort
toward higher existence
for all.

balikbayan journals

o1.03.09
vigan, ilocos sur

the lush is green.
the breeze is full.
old shells where lines continue
with the face of age.
mechanic with emotion,
feelings
are energy floating about
tumbling and sticking to one another
framed with the illusion of progress
or evolution.
to a certain degree, we adapt
in our own way, find better ways
to deal with situations
better reasons as to why things happen.
validate the whys.

surrounded by mountains and ocean breeze,
i question the whereabouts of my being.
the map of selves i have been obsessed with all my life.
am i coming to a progressive understanding or
am i validating where i wish to be
and am not yet really there?
either way, there is a magnetic center
somewhere.

there has been conscious decisions
and unexplainable choices.
there is a knowledge and always emotion.
to observe is to be quiet.
to listen is to be still.
i want to learn the most difficult to face
so i can grow toward my higher ....
even if only a vision now.
each moment, an opportunity
to remember this,

express only love.

how appropriate that today is my father's birthday.